


This Is Insane (Or, Alex Starts A Group Chat) (On Hiatus)

by WriteForIt



Series: The Reason We Are Friends Is.. [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex Has Been Adopted By The Schuylers, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Current Setting, Asexual James Madison, F/F, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Marquis de Lafayette, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This Will Be Sin, Thomas Jefferson And The Marquis de Lafayette Are Brothers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-10-24 21:12:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10749918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriteForIt/pseuds/WriteForIt
Summary: Ham and Cheese sent: Guys! I need some help here, please!The Turtle Guy sent: Alex, it's three in the morning, go back to bed.Ham and Cheese sent: What makes you think I've been to bed yet?I have no idea what inspired me to write this, yet here we are. You have been warned.





	1. #AlexNeedsABabysitter

**Author's Note:**

> Alex: Ham and Cheese/A. Disaster  
> John: The Turtle Guy  
> Eliza: Pure and Innocent  
> Angelica: HeavenSent  
> Hercules: NeedsNoIntroduction  
> Lafayette: CasseToi  
> Aaron: Sir Burr  
> Theodosia: Lady Theo  
> Thomas: Tommy Boy/Mac and Chill  
> James: Mad Hatter/Thomas Needs To  
> Maria: SweetButSinful  
> Peggy: Last But Never Least/And Peggy  
> George Washington: There Goes The General/Washingdone  
> King George: King of Everything  
> Samuel Seabury: FreeThoughts  
> James Reynolds: PracticalPimp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not the way I wanted this to turn out.  
> Oh, well! Enjoy!

**Ham and Cheese** has started a new chat.

 **Ham and Cheese**  has added **HeavenSent** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Needs No Introduction** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Pure and Innocent** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **The Turtle Guy** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **CasseToi** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Sir Burr**  to the chat.

 Ham and Cheese has named the chat:  **How Do You Cook Rice?**

* * *

Ham and Cheese sent: Guys! I need some help here, please!

The Turtle Guy sent: Alex, it's three in the morning, go back to bed.

Ham and Cheese sent: What makes you think I've been to bed yet?

Sir Burr sent: *glances at clock* It's three in the morning, Alexander. Can't you find anyone _else_ to help you?

Ham and Cheese sent: That's what I'm _trying to do_??

Ham and Cheese sent: Are you going to help or not?

HeavenSent sent: Why do you want to cook rice again?

Pure and Innocent sent: ^

Ham and Cheese sent: Because it's three in the morning and I haven't eaten all day, so I decided, "I should cook rice, because that's *checks cabinets* all I have here now?"

Needs No Introduction sent: Did you just send *checks cabinets* in a chat? And, also, dude?? 

Pure and Innocent sent: Alexander! Why haven't you eaten? And why is there only rice at your house? You need actual food, too.

Ham and Cheese sent: 1.) Never mind that. 2.) Because coffee can't sustain me all the time, and I really like rice? And 3.) Rice is an important food group, too?? It's a grain, y'know.

The Turtle Guy sent: *puts aside the fact that you're defending yourself and your actions against your _worried_ boyfriend*

Pure and Innocent sent: *puts aside the fact that you haven't eaten all day*

HeavenSent sent: *puts aside the fact that you only have rice in your house and you need actual food*

Ham and Cheese sent: *puts aside the fact that his boyfriend and sisters are nagging, because he needs to eat so can he eat his rice in peace, _please_ *

Last But Never Least sent: We sure are doing a whole lot of putting aside. Can we just tell the man, please?

The Turtle Guy sent: *sigh*

The Turtle Guy sent: Babe, all you have to do is put the rice in a pot, add butter and water, and put the pot over low heat. Stir it occasionally, and you have rice.

Ham and Cheese sent: Thanks, babe :)

The Turtle Guy sent: Anytime, baby girl. ;)

Last But Never Least sent: *retches*

**Sir Burr has left the chat.**

* * *

Ham and Cheese sent: Hey, guys?

HeavenSent has renamed the chat: **What Do You Want, Alexander?**

Ham and Cheese sent: I may have burned the rice.

Pure and Innocent sent: How?

Ham and Cheese sent: Another all nighter writing extra credit essays for school? For the third night in a row?

Pure and Innocent sent: .....

Pure and Innocent sent: #AlexNeedsABabysitter

HeavenSent sent: #AlexNeedsABabysitter

Ham and Cheese sent: I do not! Guys, I'll be fine. I can take care of myself.

Sir Burr sent: Typed in the most childish tone ever, of course. #AlexNeedsABabysitter

Needs No Introduction sent: Alex? All you have is rice to eat, and you can't even reach the top shelf on your own. #AlexNeedsABabysitter

Ham and Cheese sent: Herc, not you too! I expected this from Burr, but not you, too! Like reaching the top shelf is a measure of my ability to care for myself?

Needs No Introduction sent: Sorry, Alex, but burnt rice? And seriously, it kinda is? You need food anyway, and I'll bring games so we can hang out. 

Ham and Cheese sent: It's just burnt rice! I'll be fine. I don't need you guys or anyone else to take care of me.

HeavenSent sent: Alex, remember the last time we left you alone at home? 

Pure and Innocent: For ten minutes? We came back to you, screaming in Spanish and delirious on coffee grounds.

Ham and Cheese sent: I was only ten! You guys had just adopted me! And I didn't speak a single word of English, back then anyway.

Ham and Cheese sent: Also, in my defense, I didn't know you were supposed to drink the coffee, not eat it.

HeavenSent sent: We were talking about last year.

Ham and Cheese sent: .... That was last year! Come on!

Ham and Cheese sent: Lafayette! You agree, right?

CasseToi sent: Yes, I do. But, pétit lion, unfortunately, it is not with you. #AlexNeedsABabysitter

Ham and Cheese sent: What? Baby?? Come on?! Please?

The Turtle Guy sent: .... #AlexNeedsABabysitter :(

Pure and Innocent sent: It's settled, then. Hercules?

Needs No Introduction sent: Be right there. Bringing groceries, too.

* * *

**Needs No Introduction** has started a private chat.

 **Needs No** **Introduction** has added **Ham and Cheese** to the chat.

 **Needs No Introduction** has named the chat **These Bags Are Heavy AF, But I'm Not Going Back For Seconds, So Open Up, Alex.**

Needs No Introduction sent: Alex? I'm here. Open up.

Ham and Cheese sent: No. I refuse.

* * *

_Alex stood up, deadbolting the door in front of him with a firm click. Hercules sighed, texting Eliza to tell her the news._

* * *

**Needs No Introduction** has added **Pure and** **Innocent** to the private chat.

Needs No Introduction sent: *sigh* Liz? We have a Code Blue on our hands. Should I break it down again?

Pure and Innocent sent: *heavy sigh* No. Stand by, Agent Corset. We're gonna have to send in the cavalry on this one.

 **Pure and Innocent** has added **There Goes The General.**

* * *

_Alex stood close to the door in case Hercules tried to break it down again, only paying attention when the tone of a person being added sounded. He checked his phone, dreading who it was, and, freaking out, he sent Eliza a message through the chat._

* * *

Ham and Cheese sent: No. You promised you wouldn't. Eliza, please!

Pure and Innocent sent: Only if you behaved, Alexander. However, you currently clearly are not. Now, you can either open up for Hercules, or for Professor Washington. Take your pick.

There Goes The General sent: Are you all okay? Why have I been added to this?

Pure and Innocent sent: Alexander, you have until the count of three -- 

* * *

_Alex decided not to risk it, and sighing in defeat, opened the door. Hercules noticed, grinning and walking in with armfuls of groceries while sending Eliza a thank you text._

* * *

Needs No Introduction sent: Cancel Code Blue, I repeat, cancel Code Blue. Alex has decided to let me in.

There Goes The General sent: Code Blue? Is Alexander okay? Are you sure you're all fine?

Pure and Innocent sent: Yes, sir. Just Alex being stubborn. Again.

There Goes The General sent: Oh. Okay, then. See you all tomorrow.

**There Goes The General has left the chat.**

* * *

 

Ham and Cheese sent: GUys. guYS. He's strANGLing me. SEND HELP. 

I Need No Introduction sent: No, I'm not. I'm just making him eat for once.

Pure and Innocent sent: What is he eating?

I Need No Introduction sent: Fruit. Blueberries, bananas, and grapes, mainly. Something other than coffee and rice, which he seems to have a _lot_ of.

Update: He's hissing at the sight of it.

CasseToi sent: Why do you have so much rice, petit lion?

Ham and Cheese sent: No reason. I like the different flavors, is all.

HeavenSent sent: No, he just likes being stupid. 

CasseToi sent: *shakes head* Qu'est ce que l'enfer, Alex?

Ham and Cheese sent: I hate fruit. I grew up on an island full of it, remember? Why would I want any more??

HeavenSent sent: 1.) Because you haven't eaten any decent food since Sunday's dinner at Dad's.

HeavenSent sent: and 2.) Because you don't eat any while you're here. Or anything at all. And you need to eat.

Pure and Innocent sent: and 3.) Peggy said she saw you feed that to the dog. What the frick, Alexander?

The Turtle Guy sent: Frick? 

Pure and Innocent sent: I'm honoring my user. I will not swear while I have it. So, yes. 

Ham and Cheese sent: She's really serious about that, so yeah.

The Turtle Guy sent: *shrugs* That works for me.

* * *

I Need No Introduction sent: WE HAVE A RUNNER.

Pure and Innocent sent: Oh, gosh. Where is he??

HeavenSent sent: HERC, HOW DID YOU LET HIM GET AWAY?

I Need No Introduction sent: I TOOK MY EYES OFF OF HIM FOR TWO SECONDS TO THROW THE CONTAINER AWAY.

TWO SECONDS.

Pure and Innocent sent: Alexander has run for less, actually. Remember Thanksgiving last year?

HeavenSent sent: Oh. We couldn't get him off the table that time, and he ruined the good drapes, right?

Pure and Innocent sent: Yeah. That. Anyway, any updates?

The Turtle Guy sent: I just saw Alex sprint past my room. What the fuck, Herc? 

Needs No Introduction sent: Whose floor is he on right now?

HeavenSent sent: Hold on. I'll find out.

 **HeavenSent** has added **Tommy Boy**  to the chat.

HeavenSent sent: Have you seen the track star lately?

Tommy Boy sent: Wait. Who? Alex? Yeah. He just flew through History. The floor below is Law. Check with Burr.

HeavenSent sent: Thanks. 

* * *

_Thomas hoped they found the little shit. Realizing his error, he shrugged. Not like he cared, he told himself._

* * *

  **HeavenSent** has added **Sir Burr** to the chat.

HeavenSent sent: Have you seen Alex yet?

Sir Burr sent: No. Oh, he just ran by, screaming. Is he looking for you?

HeavenSent sent: No. Not today. Did you hear what he was screaming, though?

Sir Burr sent: No. Just faint, but angry yelling.

* * *

_Angelica sighed. Yep, that was Alexander, all right. She vowed to strangle him when this was over._

* * *

HeavenSent sent: Excellent. Thanks.

Sir Burr sent: Welcome. Have fun.

**Sir Burr has left the chat.**

**HeavenSent** has added **Mad Hatter** to the chat.

HeavenSent sent: Where are you, and have you seen Alex yet?

Mad Hatter sent: Economics, and yes. He passed us first. Though, if it helps, check with Theo and Maria, then try King or Baguette.

HeavenSent sent: Great. Thanks.

 **HeavenSent** has added **Lady Theo** to the chat.

Lady Theo sent: He just ran past. Where is he going?

HeavenSent sent: We're not sure. Just checking every alternative before calling Code Black.

LT: Oh.

HS: Yeah.

LT: Shit.

HS: Yeah.

LT: Need some help? 

HS: Hell, yeah.

LT: On it.

 **Lady Theo** has added **King of Everything** and **CasseToi** to the chat.

Lady Theo sent: You two are in Language, correct?

Lady Theo sent: Oui. What's up?

King of Everything sent: Oui. Nous pratiquons le français en çe moment, pourquoi?

Lady Theo sent: Read up. All the way.

King of Everything sent: Another Code Black? Wasn't the last one less than six weeks ago? Isn't there a rule to these?

Lady Theo sent: Yeah, I guess. But to avoid this one, we need you two. Can you see or hear Alex?

King of Everything sent: No. Not yet. Why, exactly? 

Lady Theo sent: To catch him. He doesn't want to eat, and needs help. He can't keep himself.

CasseToi sent: Oui. She has a point. What do we need to do?

Lady Theo sent: Just hold on a sec. We have a plan.

 **Lady Theo** has added **SweetButSinful** and **Last But Never Least** to the chat. 

Lady Theo sent: Maria? Pegs?

SweetButSinful sent: Yes? 

Lady Theo sent: Where are you? Where's Peggy?

SweetButSinful sent: We're both in a lecture at the moment.

Lady Theo sent: Which ones?

SweetButSinful sent: I'm in Chemistry and Peggy's in Psych.

Lady Theo sent: Can you spare a few?

SweetButSinful sent: Sure. Alex hasn't run by me, and Peggy says he's passing her now. And that she's never seen him run that fast before.

Lady Theo sent: Okay. Good.

SweetButSinful sent: What now?

Lady Theo sent: Angie says enact Operation: Sweet Tooth.

* * *

Alex entered the cafeteria unaware, lured by the promise of free cake. 

"On three, everyone. Ready?" Eliza whispered, not wanting to startle Alex.

"Got it." Peggy whispered, excited. George, Lafayette, Hercules, John, and Angelica nodded silently, readying the net.

"Ok." Eliza said, nerves wired. She hoped that Aaron, James, and Thomas wouldn't let Alex get away if he slipped by them.

* * *

  _It was now or never, Eliza decided. So, she counted both out loud and in her head._

 _One._ _"_ One."

 _Two.                                                                              "_ Two _."_

 _Three.                                                                            "_ Three _."_


	2. #UnicornSquad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and the gang talk about unicorns and dares.
> 
> Hercules, Thomas and Aaron want unicorns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I've always wanted a pet unicorn." Hercules says, clearly drunk.
> 
> "Hercules, what would you even do with a unicorn?" Angelica teases onscreen.
> 
> "Have you ever had one? They're so sparkly and beautiful. And their hair! It's so long and pretty!" Herc gushes.
> 
> Aaron begins to sob. "I want some unicorns, too!" He says, falling over and spilling his drink.

**Ham and Cheese** has started a group chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Needs No Introduction** to the chat.

  **Ham and Cheese** has added **The Turtle Guy** to the chat.

  **Ham and Cheese** has added **CasseToi** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Last But Never Least** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Pure and Innocent** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **HeavenSent** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **SweetButSinful** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Tommy Boy**  to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Mad Hatter** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **King of** **Everything** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Lady Theo** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has added **Sir Burr** to the chat.

 **Ham and Cheese** has named the chat **Why The Hell You're Here.**

* * *

Tommy Boy sent: Why the hell _are_ we here, Hamilshit?

Ham and Cheese sent: Because, Jeffershit, pay attention, and you'll find out.

Tommy Boy sent: I am. I just don't understand why you invited me to this mess you and your friends are in.

Ham and Cheese sent: Because James is our friend, and Angelica is my sister, so you tag along, that's why.

The Turtle Guy sent: *clears throat* Alex, babe, why are we here?

Sir Burr sent: Yes, can you both get to the point, please?

Ham and Cheese sent: The point is, I'm throwing a party. And you're all invited.

Needs No Introduction sent: Uh.. Can I get a raincheck?

Pure and Innocent sent: Alexander, what did I tell you about parties?

The Turtle Guy sent: You almost got us caught the last time. Hell, no!

CasseToi sent: No offense, pétit líon, but no. 

HeavenSent sent: No. Because you'll do something stupid and get us arrested again.

Last But Never Least sent: ^ I still can't get off Academic Prob. for that.

Lady Theo sent: Yeah, about that.. (Aaron's not going, either.)

Sir Burr sent: No way, Alexander.

Mad Hatter sent: Appreciate the invite, Alex, but..

Tommy Boy sent: If James isn't going, then I'm sure as hell not.

King of Everything sent: I refuse to attend anything that isn't deemed up to my standards.

Ham and Cheese sent: ...

Ham and Cheese sent: There will be alcohol for all in attendance.

King of Everything sent: This party is officially up to my standards now.

Mad Hatter sent: So, about that party.. 

Tommy Boy sent: If James is going, I guess...

HeavenSent: If we get caught again, it's your ass, Alex.

Last But Never Least sent: ^ That. All of that.

Pure and Innocent sent: Fine. But this better be good.

SweetButSinful sent: I'll be there. When does it start?

Ham and Cheese sent: At 10:00 tonight. My place.

Sir Burr sent: ... Talk less, drink more.

Lady Theo sent: Yeah, about that.. (Aaron's coming, too.) 

CasseToi sent: I have always wanted to, how you say, get blackout drunk.

Needs No Introduction sent: Shots! Shots! Shots! *plays Last Friday Night by Katy Perry*

The Turtle Guy sent: Only if we can play Spin The Bottle while we're there. ;)

* * *

"Who brought the alcohol?" Hercules shouted, entering with Lafayette in tow ten minutes later. 

John followed after, giving Alex a kiss on the way to the kitchen.

"Woo!" Peggy cheered, pregaming on rainbow colored shots.

Angelica walked in, shaking her head and Eliza smiled, holding back a grin at Peggy's behavior.

"Not bad." Jefferson said, looking around the room in surprise.

  _several minutes, arrivals, and shots later..._

* * *

Tommy Boy sent: Who here wants a unicorn?? I've been thinking about it for ages now, and they're just so.. unicorny! Right??

Needs No Introduction sent: Right! Finally, someone understands how I feel!

Lady Theo sent: Are y'all talking about unicorns right now? For real?

Last But Never Least sent: Why are we still speaking with correct grammar and punctuation even while texting drunk??

Last But Never Least sent: P.S: Why are we still texting drunk?

Lady Theo sent: The author's a stiff for it and won't let us type how we want, cause it's technically "her" story.

Lady Theo sent: And I dunno, really. *shrugs* We shouldn't really be, but whatever.

Last But Not Least sent: Oh. Well, anyway. You guys wanna see something funny?

SweetButSinful sent: Yeah, sure.

King of Everything sent: What could possibly be entertaining to me?

The Turtle Guy sent: *rolls eyes* What is it?

Last But Never Least sent: Here's a random video of Herc and Aaron talking about unicorns for Thomas (and for when we're sober.)

* * *

"I've always wanted a pet unicorn." Hercules says, clearly drunk.

"Hercules, what would you even do with a unicorn?" Angelica teases onscreen.

"Have you ever had one? They're so sparkly and beautiful. And their hair! It's so long and pretty!" Herc gushes.

Aaron begins to sob. "I want some unicorns, too!" He says, falling over and spilling his drink before the tape ends.

* * *

Lady Theo sent: *falls over from laughing* Aaron, what?

The Turtle Guy sent: And Herc, why? What the actual flunk?

Last But Never Least sent: Is this funny because we're drunk, funny because we're still drinking, or funny because John just typed flunk instead of fuck?

HeavenSent sent: All of the above, honestly.

Lady Theo sent: Did Burr really cry?

Sir Burr sent: Yes, I did. Unicorns are fucking beautiful and they are a force of nature, okay?

Tommy Boy sent: Preach, brother!

Needs No Introduction sent: Let the church say 'amen'.

Pure and Innocent sent: What the flunk?

Last But Never Least sent: Thomas, Burr, and Herc are the unicorn protection squad. Pass it on!

Lady Theo sent: #UnicornProtectionSquad

HeavenSent sent: #UnicornProtectionSquad

Pure and Innocent sent: #UnicornSquad

Mad Hatter sent: #UnicornSquad

Last But Never Least sent: #UniSquad

Ham and Cheese sent: #UniSquad

Last But Never Least sent: #UPS is now trending on Twitter.

HeavenSent sent: *snorts*

Pure and Innocent sent: All hail the newest rainbow colored card carrying members of the Uni Squad!

The Turtle Guy sent: I leave for one minute to put my pants on the roof, and y'all do this. What the fuck is a Uni Squad? 

HeavenSent sent: First of all, John, you were here when this went down. Second, what the fuck are your pants doing on the roof??

The Turtle Guy sent: IT. WAS. A. DARE?! You cannot pass up a dare like that, ok?

The Turtle Guy sent: Better, why is Alex eating that grilled cheese like his life depends on it?

Pure and Innocent sent: What kind of dare was that? Where are you??

King of Everything sent: The fun kind. That's what kind.

The Turtle Guy sent: In the kitchen.

SweetButSinful sent: Same. Just passed the Uni Squad on the living room, drunk off their asses.

The Turtle Guy sent: And both currently watching Alex french kiss grilled cheese better than his actual BF, though.

Ham and Cheese sent: John, you can see me??

The Turtle Guy sent: No shit, Sherlock?! I leave and you cheat with a cheese?

Last But Never Least sent: When John gets jealous of a grilled cheese.

Mad Hatter sent: Peggy, you are just wild today.

Last But Never Least sent: I'm wild everyday. You just don't know.

Ham and Cheese sent: It's just cheese, John! It was nothing to me! Promise!

The Turtle Guy sent: Tell that to the cheese, Alex! *sobs dramatically*

Needs No Introduction sent: Hey, y'all, sorry to interrupt, but, where is the French fry?

King of Everything sent: Oh. Lafayette's up on the roof. Why?

Tommy Boy sent: What? Where?? Why???

The Turtle Guy sent: On the roof? Because??

Mad Hatter sent: He's fully grown. Your brother can handle himself, Thomas.

The Turtle Guy sent: Yeah. Lafayette'll be fine.

CasseToi sent: ONE OF Y'ALL ASSHOLES COME GET ME OFF THIS FUCKING ROOF!


	3. #WhatTheHell, Alex?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly as it sounds. Everyone shares their most 'What the hell, Alex?' stories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, and sorry for not posting/updating. Really trying /not/ to ignore this fic. So, in apology, I have created this for you.
> 
> This fic isn't abandoned, though, I swear it.
> 
> And note: Peggy isn't actually a college student, she's a high school student just doing dual enrollment at the guys' college, so she's up there occasionally.
> 
> (I have no idea how dual enrollment works, cause I graduated in the dead center of my class, and never was enrolled in the program, so yeah..)
> 
> Another note: This is set at ten at night, so the gang's kinda irritated about being woken up. Except those who were already up. (Alex only, honestly.)
> 
> With that being said, here you go!

HeavenSent sent: Hey, assholes in this group chat! (Not including Eliza, Peggy, Theo and Dearest.)

The Turtle Guy sent: Why are you insulting us?

Sir Burr sent: Why am I here?

HeavenSent sent: Because I can, and I said so. Now pay attention!

Mad Hatter sent: Can it please wait? It is ten o' clock at night, after all, and we do have classes.

Tommy Boy sent: rt.

Sir Burr sent: rt.

Lady Theo sent: Aaron! Be nice! Anyway, what's up, Angie?

HeavenSent sent: No, it can't wait. It's a way to turn this chat into something that's actually interesting. And if they would all listen, you could find out.

Tommy Boy sent: We can't actually hear you. We're texting, on the phone, so, yeah.

HeavenSent sent: *rolls eyes* Ok, smartass. Read the texts, then. Anyway, what is your funniest Alex based story?

Tommy Boy sent: What?

HeavenSent sent: *sigh* The funniest time he caused you want to stop and say, "What the hell, Alex?"

That kind of thing. Person with the funniest story gets twenty bucks.

King of Everything sent: The extortion supplies should be worth the sleep loss, at least.

Last But Never Least sent: @George. Who talks like that? And I'm in.

King of Everthing sent: @Peggy. I do, and I like it. Any other concerns?

Pure and Innocent sent: Yes, because why are we so desperate for cash?

Last But Never Least sent: We're broke college students. 

Pure and Innocent sent: Oh, yeah, right. Go on.

Tommy Boy sent: Not all of us are. But, anything that supplies things that I can use against Alex in anything, I am down for. 

The Turtle Guy sent: As his boyfriend, I would like to start.

SweetButSinful sent: What order are we going in, actually?

HeavenSent sent: Whoever wants to go, when they want to go.

Pure and Innocent sent: Just one at a time, that's the only rule.

The Turtle Guy sent: I can agree with that, cool. So...

The thing that made me stop and go, "What the hell, Alex?" was his first store. Okay, so he and I went to a store together, right? We had just started dating, and it was around Chris. So, Alex had never really been anywhere alone before. I walk into the store, expecting Alex to stay, and Alex, of course, wanders off, gets into shit unknown, and ends up sitting in jail for trying to recook a Thanksgiving dinner with a roasted chicken using store products and sharing it with others in the store.

Pure and Innocent sent: I knew we needed to tell Alex, I just thought he knew already. *glares at Angelica*

HeavenSent sent: I thought it was too early. 

Last But Never Least sent: I thought he would know that already.

Tommy Boy sent: *dies laughing*

Ham and Cheese sent: Tell Alex what?

Mad Hatter sent: *just dies*

Ham and Cheese sent: Alex would know what?

Ham and Cheese sent: Too early for what? Just spill it!

Pure and Innocent sent: Alexander, honey? You know the talk we had that year you got banned from that other store? Yeah, basically an exactly identical thing Dad told you then, but now.

Ham and Cheese sent: Oh! Well, fuck.

Sir Burr sent: Sweet Jesus, Alexander. How did you not put the pieces together faster than that?

Ham and Cheese sent: Because Burr, I did not realize it was as identical as last time. Hindsight is twenty/twenty, though. And Burr has decided to grace us with his presence! Three cheers!

Sir Burr sent: *sighs* Talk less, Alexander.

Ham and Cheese sent: /*groans*/

Lady Theo sent: If the boys are done, the funniest 'WTH, Alex' moment is when he finished all the work for the entire week in one period, and he fell asleep in class. When the professor tried to wake him up, he was so out of it that he started screaming in Spanish about how his mother was a puta and she sucked guys off for corn chips. 

Lady Theo sent: The best part was that the teacher was John Adams, and he /also/ spoke fluent Spanish, so he could understand Alex the whole freaking time. He turned bright red and walked out of class sputtering. Needless to say, we had an early end to the lecture that day. So, honestly, thank you, Alex.

Ham and Cheese sent: *bows* You're welcome.

Needs No Introduction sent: *shakes head* Only Alex.

*passes out laughing*

Pure and Innocent sent: Wait, Professor Adams? THE Professor Adams who teaches here, now? The one who does not like Alex?

Tommy Boy sent: The very same. 

HeavenSent sent: Oh, shit. You are /screwed/, dude.

Ham and Cheese sent: It's okay. I don't take him this year, so I'm good.

HeavenSent sent: This year? What about next year?

Ham and Cheese sent: I did that course in summer school, so not really worried about it.

HeavenSent sent: The entire course?

Ham and Cheese sent: Yeah. I have issues and like working instead of working anything out. And I had a couple spare hours during the school year last year, so. Who's up next?

Last But Never Least sent: Wait. You like this?

Ham and Cheese sent: Yeah. You guys roasting the shit I do shows that you care.

Tommy Boy sent: I actually don't. Just here for the fireworks show.

Ham and Cheese sent: No one was talking to you anyway, Thomass.

Tommy Boy sent: Why do I care? And stop callin' me that!

Ham and Cheese sent: When you stop acting like one, I will. (Thomass.)

Tommy Boy sent: You are an ass.

Pure and Innocent sent: Anyway! Who goes next?

Last But Never Least sent: Me! I'll go!

All right, Pegger. Go.

Do you guys know what pegger really is? Does anyone care?

No. Who should? Anyways, the best WTH, Alex story I got happens when we were at George Eacker's Fourth of July party.

Pure and Innocent sent: Oh, God. Peggy, no.

Uh, Peggy, yes. Anyway, the party was in full swing, we were dancing, having fun, and all that when Alex overheard George say something about him.

So what does Alex do but challenge the guy, in front of everyone, to rap battle him. Eacker refused, saying Alex was nothing but an extra child to sent to shame us and children should be seen and not heard. So, Alex, reasonably offended, goes over and, unreasonably, socks Eacker in the chops, full force. We were like, 'WTF, Alex?' and he was like, 'for my family's honor' and stuff, and Mom was mortified, but Dad was so proud. He was like, 'That's my son!' and Mom was scREAMing.

Last Never Least sent: So, that's mine. Any challengers?

CasseToi sent: *scoffs* You forget how many people in this room know Alexander Schuyler. Of course, there are other stories to top yours.

Needs No Introduction sent: Just don't use all the good ones we got. 

The Turtle Guy sent: Got it, Herc. It's not over 'til the fat lady sings!

Last But Never Least sent: *sings* I hear Jefferson's mother in the streets.

Tommy Boy sent: Hey! What did I do to you?

Last But Never Least sent: You piss off both us, and our brother, and his friends regularly. What do you think you did?

Tommy Boy sent: Which one of you did I piss off?

SweetButSinful sent: It doesn't matter. You piss off a Sister (or Brother), you're done, son.

SweetButSinful sent: Now! Who's ready to play?!

Last But Never Least sent: !!!

The Turtle Guy sent: All right, then! Bring it on, suckers!

CasseToi sent: It is my turn, non?

Pure and Innocent sent: Oui, Lafayette. If you want.

CasseToi sent: Merci. Je vais te rôtir bien, mon cher ami. *cracks knuckles*

Ham and Cheese sent: Mérdè.

CasseToi sent: Oui, pétit lion. Pray.

CasseToi sent: The best What The Hell, Alex moment I have is when Alexander first had the Washingtons' tomcat named after him. It was the Fourth of July, and Alexander the cat was being carried by Alexander the human. Naturally, because it's the Fourth, human! Alex is fucking wasted. And honestly, the only one sober is Burr, because reasons, apparently??

Sir Burr sent: Standards, actually. And I was you all's designated that night.

CasseToi sent: Oh, yeah. That party did have nothing but super cheap shit, huh? So, anyway, drunk! human! Alex gets the cat drunk and the two start talking.

Mad Hatter sent: The Washingtons' cat?

CasseToi sent: None other than.

Mad Hatter sent: Alex, what the f***?

Pure and Innocent sent: Alexander, you are relieved of pet sitting duties indefinitely.

Ham and Cheese sent: What? But, Philly! What about our precious little cheese steak?

Pure and Innocent sent: No buts! I'll take care of him until you can no longer risk getting cats drunk.

The Turtle Guy sent: Update: He's whining around the house right now.

Another update: He's telling me to stop texting you all about his  ~~whining~~ , uh, his personal life.

Yet another update: He's staring at the wall and repeating the word 'Philly' over and over again.

Yet ANOTHER update: He has gotten up, is walking towards me, and is --

Hello, all. - Alex.

I have "borrowed" Laurens's phone until further notice. - Alex.

I will be signing all of my messages with an -A(lex) until he is allowed to get it back. Which won't be anytime soon. - A.

Until then, carry on. - A.

SweetButSinful sent: I just adore the contradiction you put in "borrowed", though. Like you know you didn't really borrow it, but they're there anyway, to think you did.

CasseToi sent: Okay. @Alex and @Maria. Not to be rude, but I wasn't done yet.

The Turtle Guy sent: Sorry, Lafayette. Please go on. - A.

SweetButSinful sent: Yeah, sorry 'bout that.

CasseToi sent: Merci.

CasseToi sent: So, the two are talking, (the cat and Alex), and Alex is dying laughing, drunk off his ass, and all of a sudden..

He stops, turns to me and says, with an entirely blank expression:

'I think the cat is speaking German.'

With no fucking context. At this point, he had been speaking to the cat for like, an hour. But he repeats, insistently, that he couldn't have been, because he 'couldn't have understood it'. Because the cat was speaking German.

Needs No Introduction sent: ... 

Needs No Introduction sent: I think Alex was speaking that good shit.

Last But Never Least sent: rt.

HeavenSent sent: rt.

**Sir Burr has left the group chat.**

**Lady Theo has added Sir Burr to the group chat.**

Lady Theo sent: If I suffer, you suffer with me. Understand?

Sir Burr sent: Yes, ma'am.

Lady Theo sent: Alex, is this true, though?

The Turtle Guy sent: Yes. One hundred percent, yes. I do not recall a thing about that night, but recorded proof is, apparently, readily accessible for that night. -A.

CasseToi sent: ^ There's proof of what happened that night and Alex doesn't like any of it.

The Turtle Guy sent: I really flunking don't. - A.

SweetButSinful sent: What's with the word censoring, again? We're past eighteen and in college, so you /can/curse for real.

Last But Never Least sent: rt.

Needs No Introduction sent: rt.

HeavenSent sent: rt.

Pure and Innocent sent: Actually, no. Hello again, all.

SweetButSinful sent: Oh. Okay. Forget that last text then, y'all.

HeavenSent sent: rt.

Needs No Introduction sent: rt.

Last But Never Least sent: rt.

SweetButSinful sent: So, who's next?

Needs No Introduction sent: I'll go.

SweetButSinful sent: Ok, Herc. Show us what you got. ;)

Needs No Introduction sent: Challenge accepted. So, we were out drinking.

HeavenSent sent: Oh, God.

Needs No Introduction sent: It's PG. No worries.

HeavenSent sent: That's /not/ what that was for. Three guys out drinking is fine, you three out drinking is terrifying.

Needs No Introduction sent: ... Anyway, we were out drinking. And it's the three of us, not botherin' anybody.

King of Everything sent: Where's Alexander?

Needs No Introduction sent: We didn't know him yet.

King of Everything sent: Oh. An origin story? This will be spendid, then. Carry on!

Needs No Introduction sent: Ok, so, it was just John, Laf, and I, when we walk into a bar, and find the cutest little shit sitting on the bar, flirting with the owner.

He's kinda cute, wearing a tight green shirt and jean shorts, a pair of Taylors and knee high socks, too. So the owner looks interested in what Alex is wearing rather than saying. Alex is talking the guy up, though, and when we go closer, we hear the words 'free drinks'. He lays his hand on the guy's arm, and slathers on the charm.

It clearly works, cause the guy is grinning and nodding and going behind the bar, reaching for the top shelf. Alex is eyeing the guy all the while, looking closely at what the guy chooses and when the guy is through with his drinks, Alex walks around to us and asks, 'Oh, yeah, and can these guys get something to drink, too?' The guy turns, takes one look at us and shakes his head no. Then Alex, being Alex, turns up the heat and flutters his lashes at the guy and the guy looks back and forth between us and Alex and sighs, then turns to us and asks what we want to drink.

We tell him our orders, then while he's doing that, Alex switches the tray of drinks he's holding to the other arm, leans in and whispers, deadass, 'You watched. I hope you learned, too Cause I would like to learn a lot about you.' Directly towards Laurens. Then he turns, and holding the drinks he says, 'You're free to join us if you want. We could always use cuties like you with us.' He freaking winks, then saunters off to his table. Then the guy who was working on our drinks goes, 'I knew I had no chance, but he looks to be interested in you three. Especially you.' And points to John. 'You should head over.' And John, red as a strawberry, asks how he knows this, and dude says that he and Alex have been doing this song and dance for years. Alex gets there, gets his attention, flirts around, and gets a round or /four/ on the house. Yet they both always go their separate ways at the end of the night. But as long as he's known Alex, he's 'only had eyes for a few people.' He says, looking up at us while wiping down the bar. 'Tonight, one of those people, is you, buddy boy.' He finishes and John gets cherry red, I swear.

I told John this story, and he wants to say, and I repeat, 'I thought this was about Alex, not me, Herc.' Aww! He's blushing so hard.

Ham and Cheese sent: _**JackIsBlushing.jpg** _ into the group chat.

King if Everything sent: Who is this lad? I need to see if he likes accents.

CasseToi sent: He does. Trust, I tried. His name's Ben Tollmadge, I think. Alex?

The Turtle Guy sent: Yeah. Ben and I are old friends from high school. - A.

King of Everything sent: Oh, I know old Ben. We take a couple classes together. I'll remember who he is now, though. Guys like guys with accents. ;)

Needs No Introduction sent: A.) I want no part of any of that. B.) You don't need to keep sending your initial, Allie. We know it's you now.

The Turtle Guy sent: I know. I just like the way it looks. Gossip girl used to, was the, and will always be the shit. - A.

Plus, John still trying to get the phone back, but he's also a little preoccupied. ;) - A.

HeavenSent sent: A.) We did not need to know that. *gags* B.) And does Benny like both, or does he just swing one way, cause I want free drinks, too, damn it. C.)Is the story done now, or what?

SweetButSinful sent: You are dating a beautiful, intelligent, powerful girl, and you aren't /satisfied/? What?? Kidding, Ang. Just score me some too when you go, babe. 

HeavenSent sent: You're going with, aren't you?

SweetButSinful sent: Oh, yeah. Ignore that, then.

Needs No Introduction sent: Yeah, it is. Yeah, he does, and what happened to what you just said??

Last But Never Least sent: Hello? Back to the story, guys. And what, then, is the WTH part?

Needs No Introduction sent: Oh, when Alex decked a dude for letting his hands creep too far later that night.

Last But Never Least sent: Wait, what? Why didn't you lead with that, then? 

CasseToi sent: Yes, how you say, a total asshole, goes by Reynolds, non?

Needs No Introduction sent: Yeah. ^ That.

SweetButSinful sent: Oh.

The Turtle Guy sent: You guys, John wants to say 'that asshole deserved it, too.'

By the way, what's 'oh' about? - A. 

HeavenSent sent: 'Oh' is about none of your business, that's what. We're ending this for now. Goodbye. 

Pure and Innocent sent: Angelica? Maria?

Last But Never Least sent: Angie? What happened?

Ham and Cheese sent: Angie? Maria?? Wait, what's wrong??

HeavenSent sent: Schuylers. Sibling chat, now.

HeavenSent has left the chat.

SweetButSinful has left the chat.

Pure and Innocent sent: Oh, shit.

Pure and Innocent has left the chat.

Last But Never Least sent: Shit.

Last But Never Least has left the chat.

Ham and Cheese has left the chat.

The Turtle Guy sent: Finally, got the phone back! What was that for?

Tommy Boy sent: I don't know, but it's best not to piss off a Schuyler, so shut it.

The Turtle Guy sent: For once, Jefferson, I agree with you. Alex just grabbed his keys and jacket and bolted out of here.

Sir Burr sent: That can't be good.

CasseToi sent: I hope that they are all okay.

Mad Hatter sent: I agree entirely, Lafayette.

Lady Theo sent: Whatever it is and however they are, when they're ready, they'll tell us. Okay? So, no guessing, gossiping, sharing with the school/your other friends or who the hell ever, got it?

King of Everything sent: Totally understood.

Tommy Boy sent: Got it.

CasseToi sent: Je comprends. (I understand.)

Needs No Introduction sent: Understood.

Mad Hatter sent: Got it.

The Turtle Guy sent: Got it.

Sir Burr sent: Yes, sweetheart. (Got it.)

Lady Theo sent: Good. Now goodnight, y'all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the surprise angst at the end? Cause I have an idea about how I want this to end, but, like, ugh.
> 
> *frustration intensifies* 
> 
> Also, anyone see the clipping. reference? No? I'll sit down now.
> 
> And the french translates to: 
> 
> (Je vais te rôtir bien, mon cher ami.) =  
> (I'll roast you well, my good friend.)
> 
> (Je comprends.) =  
> (I understand.)


	4. #GameTime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang plays a game with G. Wash that leaves him wondering why more often than why not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yours truly is back with a new chapter! *pats self on back* Nice.
> 
> This one is basically a who you would f**k chapter, except the crew would practically all f**k Washington. 
> 
> Whoops! Spoilers! Also, this is set the day following the last chapter, after the sisters, Alex and Maria have been added back in the chat.
> 
> Just read the chapter. So sorry about the fourth wall. It didn't pull through this chapter. It will next one, though. 
> 
> (Possibly.)

CasseToi sent: Honestly, who would you fuck if you had the chance?

Needs No Introduction sent: You. Always. But, babe, what's the point of this?

CasseToi sent: Because Alex and I were watching Deadpool with John. Though, while Ryan Reynolds was talking about his girlfriend and all the sex they had, Alex started talking about who he would fuck if he had the chance. I was, how you say, indecided on the issue.

Needs No Introduction sent: Okay.. How did we get to this point, again?

CasseToi sent: Is that really crucial? Would you fuck a new person if you had the opportunity, though?

Needs No Introduction sent: Okay, you have a point there, but the answer is no. Now what does this have to do with the rest of the conversation?

King of Everything sent: I'm interested in said conversation now. What are you peasants talking about?

HeavenSent sent: About if you would f*** Ryan Reynolds or not. You nasties.

Pure and Innocent sent: No, Angelica, it was about who you would if you had the chance. Without cheating, though, right?

CasseToi sent: Of course. And thank you, Eliza for clearing that up. Angelica, thank you for your /input/.

SweetButSinful sent: And her sass. You cannot forget the sass. 

HeavenSent sent: True. The sass is crucial. Along with the bitterness.

SweetButSinful sent: No response to that.

Pure and Innocent sent: No big deal! You're welcome, actually. And yeah, I totally would.

CasseToi sent: Thank you! He's way hot!

King of Everything sent: Way too hot to pass up, anyways.

The Turtle Guy sent: At this time, I would like to ask the church to say amen.

Sir Burr sent: Can I know why you were watching Deadpool in the first place? Isn't that movie rated R?

Last But Never Least sent: It doesn't matter, Mom! Are you playing or not?

Lady Theo sent: What could it hurt? Yeah, we're playing.

Sir Burr sent: The poor, fragile piece of sanity I still hold.

Ham and Cheese sent: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

The Turtle Guy sent: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

CasseToi sent: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

Needs No Introduction sent: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

Sir Burr sent: Oh, no. I can already see the outcome. Goodbye, precious sanity.

Lady Theo sent: Aaron, get your ass back here.

Sir Burr sent: Yes, Theo.

King of Everything sent: Goody, then I'll be getting the popcorn and soda! I love to watch you all tear each other apart.

Needs No Introduction sent: You are way too enthusiastic about this, dude. Are you playing?

King of Everything sent: Duh! Of course, darling! I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Tommy Boy sent: James and I are in, too! I want to see you all crash and burn.

Mad Hatter sent: ^ Same. Minus the crash and burn part. You know, cause I actually like you guys.

Pure and Innocent sent: Thank you, James! We like you, too.

Ham and Cheese sent: Whatever, @Jefferson. Laf? Do you care?

CasseToi sent: Nah. Go ahead, ami.

Ham and Cheese sent: All right, the rules are simple. We all start off with ten points, and when you agree, you lose a point. If you lose all your points before everyone is done, you're out. Also, no below the belt stuff, your choices have to be sensible, and none of what we had last time. And we go in order! Understand, Peggy?

Last But Never Least sent: Fine! I got it. Thanks, Mom.

HeavenSent sent: Anyway, I'll go first. Any problems with that?

Pure and Innocent sent: Wait! Wait! Hold on! Before you do that, I have to do something real fast.

The Turtle Guy sent: ?

Ham and Cheese sent: ??

Last But Never Least sent: ???

Pure and Innocent added There Goes The General to the chat.

Pure and Innocent sent: To keep us from getting too wild. Unlike last time. *looks at Peggy*

Last But Never Least sent: Thanks, Mom.

Sir Burr sent: *rolls eyes* This should be fun.

There Goes The General sent: What was that, Burr?

Sir Burr sent: Nothing, sir! Never mind that, sir!

There Goes The General sent: Okay, then. Someone get this started! *claps hands*

HeavenSent sent: Leslie Odom Jr.

Last But Never Least sent: Who?

Needs No Introduction sent: We're Hamilton characters in a Hamilton fanfiction. We all know who Leslie Odom Jr. is.

Lady Theo sent: Oh, yeah! Aaron's actor. Well, guess I'll take a point off. 9.

Sir Burr sent: Really, Theo? 

Lady Theo sent: Yeah! He's hot. 

HeavenSent sent: In a weird way, yeah. Like he's Burr's /actor/, but not Burr so, yeah, I would. 9.

Pure and Innocent sent: But, Angelica, he's married. 10.

Last But Never Least sent: 9. But, Eliza, he's also hot. So, no one else? 

CasseToi sent: Non, thanks. 10.

Pure and Innocent sent: No, thank you. 10.

The Turtle Guy sent: Not interested. 10.

SweetButSinful sent: No thanks. 10.

Sir Burr sent: I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now. 

HeavenSent sent: Oh, well. Next person!

Pure and Innocent sent: Way to bring memes into this, Burr.

Last But Never Least: Way to bring memes into this, Burr.

Last But Never Least sent a file: _**spongechicken.jpg**_

The Turtle Guy sent: Owned.

Pure and Innocent sent: John, stay out of this.

Ham and Cheese sent: It's fine, John. You can stay in this all night. ;)

Last But Never Least sent: You can stay in this all night.

Last But Never Least sent a file: _**spongechicken.jpg**_

Sir Burr sent: Dear God, no.

Last But Never Least sent: Dear God, no.

Last But Never Least sent a file: _**spongechicken.jpg**_

Last But Never Least sent: I can do this all day.

 **CasseToi** kicked **Last But Never Least** from the group chat.

CasseToi sent: So can I.

 **Pure and Innocent** added **Last But Never Least** to the group chat.

CasseToi sent: Why, Eliza?

Pure and Innocent sent: Because she's my sister. I would do the same for anyone. (Alex.)

Ham and Cheese sent: Thank you, dearest (platonic) wife. 

Pure and Innocent sent: You're welcome, dearest (platonic) husband.

Last But Never Least sent: You're welcome, dearest (platonic) husband.

Last But Never Least sent a file: _**spongechicken.jpg**_

 **Pure and Innocent** kicked **Last But Never Least** from the group chat.

The Turtle Guy sent: Damn.

CasseToi sent: ^

Ham and Cheese sent: ^^

Needs No Introduction sent: ^^^

 **HeavenSent** added **Last But Never Least** to the group chat.

HeavenSent sent: (If you do it to anyone else, you will stay out.) Anyway, get the game started back, please.

Pure and Innocent sent: Okay. Who shall I choose?

Pure and Innocent sent: ... Beyoncè!

Pure and Innocent sent: 9.

HeavenSent sent: 8.

Last But Never Least sent: 8.

Lady Theo sent: Honestly? 8.

SweetButSinful sent: 9.

Ham and Cheese sent: 9.

The Turtle Guy sent: 9. 

Needs No Introduction sent: 9.

CasseToi sent: 9.

Tommy Boy sent: 9.

Mad Hatter sent: 9.

Sir Burr sent: 9.

King of Everything sent: 9. Why was this even an option? It's Beyoncé, for London's sake!

Last But Never Least sent: *shrugs* Occasionally, people lose the ability to not lie to others about whether or not they would f**k Beyoncé.

Last But Never Least sent: Wait a second.. Finally!

Pure and Innocent sent: *groans*

Last But Never Least sent: I choose Jasmine Cephas Jones!

Pure and Innocent sent: That was.. normal. Almost too normal. What are you up to? 

Last But Never Least sent: Nothing! I swear.

Needs No Introduction sent: 8.

The Turtle Guy sent: 8.

Ham and Cheese sent: 8.

CasseToi sent: 8. She's so gorgeous. But she looks better with Anthony Ramos, though.

King of Everything sent: Yes! About the Jassthony thing, though. Not the other thing. So, still 9.

Pure and Innocent sent: She's cute, but she looks better in red. 9.

HeavenSent sent: I agree with Lizzie. 7.

Last But Never Least sent: ... 7. It would be like sleeping with a twin, though.

SweetButSinful sent: I agree with Peggy. Except it would be too close to be able relax with. 9.

Lady Theo sent: She's kinda cute, so yeah. 7.

Sir Burr sent: ... 7. She is attractive.

Tommy Boy sent: 8.

Mad Hatter sent: ... 8.

Tommy Boy sent: And you said I was bad! *sighs dramatically*

Ham and Cheese sent: @Jefferson: *exists dramatically*

Tommy Boy sent: @Hamilton: *ceases to exist dramatically*

Mad Hatter sent: Thomas, I never said you were bad in any way, shape or sort. Just .. a lot to handle.

Tommy Boy sent: What about the things I do is 'a lot to handle'?

Mad Hatter sent: This is just hard to accept, that's all. It's not always about you. You need to be tied down.

Last But Never Least sent: Kinky. ;)

Mad Hatter sent: Not like that, Peggy.

Last But Never Least sent: Less kinky. ;(

There Goes The General sent: *clears throat* Whose turn is it now?

SweetButSinful sent: Yours truly. And I choose.. Angelica Schuyler! 8.

Ham and Cheese sent: You think I would want to sleep with my sister?! 8.

Last But Never Least sent: No one asked you to, Alex. 7.

There Goes The General sent: @Alexander. Why would you want to anyway, son?

Ham and Cheese sent: I do //not//. I just resent being asked if I do. And not your son.

Last But Never Least sent: I can hear Washington's huff of annoyance all the way down here in the girls' hall.

There Goes The General sent: Then why is there any issue about it?

Pure and Innocent sent: @Alex and @Peggy. Y'all know that's her girlfriend asking, right? We don't need to answer. We just know that /we/ wouldn't sleep with her, because we're her siblings. 9.

HeavenSent sent: 6. Thank you, Eliza. But you need to show love towards yourself first, or no one else will.

Pure and Innocent sent: Angelica! That's just inappropriate.

HeavenSent sent: That's just jacking off, Eliza. We all do it. 

CasseToi sent: True, true. But still, that's kinda personal to say in a public group chat.

HeavenSent sent: ... No kinkshaming, darn it. No other takers? 

Tommy Boy sent: Nah.

Needs No Introduction sent: Angelica is way too gay and scary for that.

HeavenSent sent: True to both. I really am.

The Turtle Guy sent: She's scary and she knows it.

Ham and Cheese sent: John, that song died in 2012.

The Turtle Guy sent: I don't care. Sexy and I know it. 

Needs No Introduction sent: Can we get on with this? Whose turn is it?

Sir Burr sent: I think it's Theo's.

Lady Theo sent: You are correct, dear Aaron. And I choose Alessia Cara.

Sir Burr sent: What about your boyfriend? 

Lady Theo sent: Said boyfriend is not Alessia Cara.

Sir Burr sent: True.

HeavenSent sent: 5.

Pure and Innocent sent: Angelica, you're dangerously close to being out.

HeavenSent sent: Cause I am the only one who's actually answering.

Last But Never Least sent: Not really. 7.

Lady Theo sent: Yeah, there are the rest of us, too, Angel. 6.

Sir Burr sent: 6. What's your answer, Eliza?

Pure and Innocent sent: 8. She is adorable.

SweetButSinful sent: 7. She really is.

Last But Never Least sent: Do you both wanna kiss her or pinch her cheeks?

SweetButSinful sent: Shut up, Peggy.

Pure and Innocent sent: Hush, Peggy.

Needs No Introduction sent: 7.

CasseToi sent: Oui. 7. She is beautiful.

Needs No Introduction sent: Laf, you think everything is beautiful.

CasseToi sent: That is the pleasure of being pan, dear Hercules. I get the right to think that.

Tommy Boy sent: 7. 

Mad Hatter sent: 7. 

Ham and Cheese sent: No thanks. 8.

The Turtle Guy sent: Alex is being a baby and doesn't want to answer. 7.

King of Everything sent: She is attractive, but she is also not a guy, so.. 9.

Lady Theo sent: Okay, so that's all of us?

The Turtle Guy sent: Yeah. That's all of us.

There Goes The General sent: Then now it's Aaron's turn, correct?

Pure and Innocent: Yes, sir.

Ham and Cheese sent: Oh, this should be boring. 

There Goes The General sent: Alexander.

Ham and Cheese sent: Sorry, sir. Sorry, Burr. Go on.

Sir Burr sent: ...

King of Everything sent: He's been typing for an awfully long period. Is he all right?

Lady Theo sent: I hope so. We're sitting together and he won't let anyone see his screen, which is suspicious.

He's grinning.

Ham and Cheese sent: Oh, shit.

Pure and Innocent sent: Language!

There Goes The General sent: Language, Alexander.

Ham and Cheese sent: Sorry, sir. Sorry, sis.

Lady Theo sent: Update: He's laughing.

Pure and Innocent sent: Oh, shit.

There Goes The General sent: Elizabeth! Language.

Pure and Innocent sent: Sorry, sir. Just.. you know there's something going on if Burr's laughing.

Ham and Cheese sent: That's what I keep saying! But no one listens to Alex, do they?. 

There Goes The General sent: True. I just wonder what he's up to.

Ham and Cheese sent: Point set. But he's doing something, I know Burr. I was his first friend, after all.

Lady Theo sent: Shh! He's typing.

Sir Burr sent: I choose.. George.

King of Everything sent: What? Why would you waste your turn on me? Not that it's wasted, but still.

Sir Burr sent: Not you, George. The other George. I choose George Washington, our adored general and history professor.

Ham and Cheese sent: Wait.

Pure and Innocent sent: What?

The Turtle Guy sent: Burr, you wouldn't.

There Goes The General sent: Burr, this is not funny.

Sir Burr sent: It wasn't a joke. I would, actually. And I am.

Anybody recall the rules? I am within turn, it is sensible, we can choose those we know, as shown by Miss Lewis's turn. I am entirely within bounds here.

And the best part? According to said rules, you all have to answer. 

HeavenSent sent: But -

Sir Burr sent: No buts. You. all. have. to. answer. Carry on. I'll start. 6.

Ham and Cheese sent: *hangs head* He's right. Sorry, sir. 7.

HeavenSent sent: Sorry, sir. 4.

Pure and Innocent sent: Sorry, sir. 7.

Last But Never Least sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

Needs No Introduction sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

CasseToi sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

The Turtle Guy sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

Lady Theo sent: Sorry, sir. 5.

SweetButSinful sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

Tommy Boy sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

Mad Hatter sent: Sorry, sir. 6.

King of Everything sent: Sorry, sire. 8.

There Goes The General sent: All of you?

CasseToi sent: By way of explanation, you are really dashing, sir.

There Goes The General sent: ...

Ham and Cheese sent: Sir?

There Goes The General sent: I can never look any of you in the eyes again.

Pure and Innocent sent: We're so sorry, sir.

There Goes The General sent: I can never look any of you in the eyes again.

HeavenSent sent: We broke the poor guy.

Needs No Introduction sent: I don't blame him. At least three of his own students want to screw his brains out. I //can't// blame him.

SweetButSinful sent: Who's next?

Last But Never Least sent: Alex.

Ham and Cheese sent: ... 

Pure and Innocent sent: Alex?

The Turtle Guy sent: He's been going 'Washington knows.' for the past four seconds. If I weren't already concerned, I would be now.

Last But Never Least sent: Get his attention.

The Turtle Guy sent: We're cuddling, and he struggled a little at first, but he's relaxing now.

HeavenSent sent: Good. Keep him occupied until he's okay.

The Turtle Guy sent: Okay.

...

...

...

...

* * *

John cuddled Alex tight, not eager to let go in case he was needed a little longer. Truth was, they held on to each other so neither would drown in his own insecurities, and it was an arrangement that agreed with them both.

"Are you really okay?" John asked Alex, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"Yes. I wasn't bad, but.. now Washington knows. It's not bad, it's just different." He said, turning his face to look up at John.

"It's all okay. Washington knows you don't want to do anything." 

"But what if he feels the same? What if he thinks I was pining all this time? What if he thinks I'm pathetic?" Alex said, turning to face his boyfriend.

"Then he thinks we all are, because we all said we wanted to. Except Burr, of course."

"How can Burr be so straight?" Alex wondered, wanting to bury his head under all the blankets on the bed.

"Burr isn't as straight as you think. Theo is freaky and likes both guys and girls, and Burr supports her." John tried to explain, not sure of what Alex was actually asking.

"Supporting isn't the same as being, John. You know that. You used to be a "support" when I was struggling to come out and I "supported" you when your father was an asshole about it." Alex responded, fighting the urge to hide so he could talk.

"But we were together then, Alex. We just didn't tell anyone. Especially not him." John shudders, trying to forget.

"Exactly. So you see now?" He asked, turning his face into John's shoulder.

"Alex.." John sighed while Alex looked up. "He's really not as straight as you think. Because Burr likes you." When John looked down, he caught Alex sitting up straight and wondered how he had escaped John's arms.

"Burr, what?" Alex shook his head. "Burr is.. Burr likes.. How?"

"He told us not to tell you. But he is, or was, in a serious crush with you. He just didn't know if you liked him back." John explained, watching for a reaction.

Alex grinned. This didn't help about his thing with Washington, but he knew what he needed to do next. He picked up his phone and started a text to Burr.

* * *

Ham and Cheese sent: It's all right. It's fine.

The Turtle Guy sent: Are you, though? 

Ham and Cheese sent: Yeah. I am. Now, can we play?

Needs No Introduction sent: Are you sure?

CasseToi sent: Oui, petit lion. Are you really okay? 

Ham and Cheese sent: Yeah, Herc. And oui, Lafayette. It's fine. I'm fine.

Now, I choose.. Chris Jackson!

Pure and Innocent sent: *groans* 

Needs No Introduction sent: Not again.

HeavenSent sent: Why do they want Angelica to lose? 3.

Tommy Boy sent: Because it's fun to watch. 5.

Mad Hatter sent: Because you always aggressively shout for a recount. 5.

Sir Burr sent: Because the recount always ends in the same way. 6.

SweetButSinful sent: Because you're cute when you do. 6.

King of Everything sent: Because the King doesn't lose. Except once, to Lafayette at Super Smash. 7.

Lady Theo sent: Because you always string together some interesting new curses. 4.

Last But Never Least sent: Because you're a sore loser. 6.

Pure and Innocent sent: Because you need to know that learning to lose is healthy, and a necessary part of life. And that I rule at UNO, bitches! Sorry, all. 6.

CasseToi sent: You are nicer when you do, and no one beats the Marquis de Lafayette at Super Smash Bros. Also sorry. 5.

Needs No Introduction sent: Because we had longstanding bets on this, and I would like to collect. So, yeah. 6.

The Turtle Guy sent: Because how do you let Henry beat you in Injustice? On easy? He's a total noob. 5.

Ham and Cheese sent: Because you're our sister. 6.

HeavenSent sent: Because I hate you all. And Herc, I'll see you fourth period.

Whose turn is it next?

King of Everything sent: Hooray!

HeavenSent sent: Oh. Just great.

King of Everything sent: It won't be that bad, darling. Just funny. For yours truly, of course.

HeavenSent sent: ... I regret everything.

Ham and Cheese sent: I regret nothing.

King of Everything sent: Jennifer Lawrence!

Personally, she's a twenty/ten in my book, but what do you all think? 6.

Pure and Innocent sent: Yeah, I think I would. 5.

Last But Never Least sent: Nah. She's hella pretty, but I like brown girls better. 6.

The Turtle Guy sent: Hell yeah, I would f**k Jennifer Lawrence. 4.

No offense, baby.

Ham and Cheese sent: None taken. 6.

HeavenSent sent: 3. No, thank you. Angelica has been unfaithful enough today.

Ham and Cheese sent: We all had at one point.

Pure and Innocent sent: Two. Your choice?

Ham and Cheese sent: Oh, yeah. No, like two people chose not to.

Pure and Innocent sent: Two, Alexander? Two?

Ham and Cheese sent: I see your point.

Needs No Introduction sent: 5. I wouldn't say yes as soon as she asked, but I wouldn't say no.

CasseToi sent: What the fuck? Yes. 4.

Sir Burr sent: 6. Jennifer Lawrence? She is nice, but I already have a star, thank you.

Lady Theo sent: Aww. Just for that, you are allowed a kiss.

SweetButSinful sent: Aww. Look at Burr, being adorable. Angie, now I want kisses. 

HeavenSent sent: As your girlfriend, I will happily agree. Kisses are on their way.

Mad Hatter sent: Thomas, can you stop insulting Alexander for one second and be adorable with me, too?

Tommy Boy sent: -- now take that, you annoying little runt!

Sure, Jemmy. Anything you want, baby.

The Turtle Guy sent: Alexander, you too.

Ham and Cheese sent: -- and what about you, you fashion senseless ass? 

Be right there, John.

Needs No Introduction sent: Marie Joseph, bring your ass up here!

CasseToi sent: On the way, chéri!

I want Seabury now. Off to go see where he is. Good luck!

Well, then. I guess the game is done? "And then, I was stuck here, all alone." She whispers to the wall.

Hey! You still got your sister. (Yours truly.)

Hey, Peggy. Wanna watch stupid stuff on Netflix and eat ice cream until we pass out?

With you? Of course!

Cool.

**Pure and Innocent has left the chat.**

**Last But Never Least has left the chat.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who couldn't understand, their regular order is ladies first, alphabetical order. So, Angelica, Beth (Eliza), Margarita (Peggy), Maria(h), and Theo. Then the guys, with Aaron, Alex, George (III), Hercules, James, John, Lafayette, and then Thomas before starting back at the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this! (If you did, go to the next chapter. If you didn't, go anyway, because it gets better.)
> 
> This is a horrible pit of sin, though, so excuse any errors! Comments are always welcome! So are kudos!


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